Do you shrink back when someone compliments your art? Have you ever worried that being proud of your work makes you “arrogant” or “egotistical”?
In Season 3, Episode 28 of Art Crush, hosts and visual artists Fi Marks and Paula Telizyn dive deep into the messy intersection of confidence and ego.
For women navigating the art world—especially women over 40—societal conditioning often teaches us to stay small, be invisible, and prioritize everyone else. But what happens to your art business and the wider creative community when you refuse to take up space?
Fi and Paula unpack the critical differences between toxic ego (hyper-individualism and arrogance) and genuine creative confidence (community-building and self-belief). They discuss the unique hurdles female artists face, why claiming your worth is essential, and how downplaying your skills actually harms other creators.
In this episode, we cover:
- Why believing in your artistic skill isn’t arrogant—and how to tell the difference.
- How societal expectations train women to vanish, and how to actively unlearn this to become visible in your art career.
- How underpricing your work and hiding your pride negatively impacts the wider visual artist community.
- A practical step to help you step back, view your art as a whole, and build authentic pride in your creative journey.
- Why you need to start saying, “I am doing the best work of my life,” without fear of judgment.
Whether you are painting landscapes, exploring abstracts, or building a thriving art business, this episode is your permission slip to step into your power. You can be incredibly proud of your accomplishments without being an ass!
Listen now and start taking up the space you deserve.
Perfect for: Visual artists, female creatives, women in business, and anyone working to overcome imposter syndrome in their creative practice.
00:00:00 Speaker 1: Welcome to Art crush with artists Fi Marks and Paula Telizyn where we talk about being an artist, having an art business, being a woman who’s an artist, and more.
00:00:24 Speaker 1: Hello.
00:00:26 Speaker 2: Hi, Paula. How are you today?
00:00:28 Speaker 1: I’m good, thank you. I’m excited to be talking about our topic today, which is all about the intersection of ego and confidence. When is your ego getting in the way? When is your, trained humility getting in the way and when should you actually be confident?
00:00:50 Speaker 2: Well, I’d like to just start off by asking how we and the listeners define ego being egotistical. Because in my mind, it is more to do with thinking that you are better than everybody else, that everybody should be doing what you’re doing. you’re not listening to anybody else because they’ve got nothing important to say. it’s a very ignorant state to be in. But I think over time this has got so muddled. then it comes into great confusion when you’re trying to run your own business about being confident, if you are confident in your product. And that is completely different because you’re not slagging off somebody else and going, oh, you’re rubbish and I’m doing this, this and this, and this is what you need to do. To me, that is ego. And ego is not a positive thing if you’re egotistical, but if you’re confident and you can ask any parent anywhere in the world, they want their children to be confident. yet often they will be like, now don’t be bigheaded, don’t be conceited. So it all gets muddled as we grow up. We get really, really muddled about what being confident is and what’s being arrogant and conceited. what do you think, Paula?
00:02:22 Speaker 1: I think arrogance is a really good word, for what you’re talking about and what we’re talking about where ego becomes dismissive and arrogant and selfish and, very hyper individualistic. Ego dismisses everybody but the person at the center of it. So we all know these kinds of people. They are the greatest thing since sliced bread. they’re surrounded by people who yes, them all the time, meaning that they don’t hear any dissent or anything against what they’re saying or doing. They are problematic. for some reason along the way, being confident in your skills as an artist has been equated with being arrogant and.
00:03:11 Speaker 2: Being egotistical.
00:03:13 Speaker 1: Being egotistical, and this lack of understanding that it’s not a line of I must be humble and not acknowledge my skills and everything I’ve worked for. Otherwise I’m egotistical. There is a spectrum. Everything in life is a spectrum, and so there is a spectrum of having confidence without being dismissive of the people around you, without being arrogant, without being awful to talk with. while acknowledging that you have skills and good art and everything that you’ve worked hard for.
00:03:47 Speaker 2: I think this is a hundred fold worse for women because as we’ve talked about in the past, women also get messages about how they should behave as a woman, be it subliminal, be it, you know, absolutely in your face how you should look, how you should act if you want to get this, this is what you need to do if you want to be in a successful relationship. It’s about the woman, how they behave and how what they do. so when it comes to then being a female artist, a lot of female artists are even more reluctant to show any confidence in what they do. I know people who are very successful artists and You can see them almost panic if they’ve said something that is just showing me that they are confident in their business and confident in their work, and they will immediately, like, backtrack and go, oh, oh no, oh, I didn’t mean that. But you know, do do do do do do. It’s uh, yeah. So I think we’re dealing with not just what the, the pain of the artist, but the pain of the female artist is even huger. something we say a lot is it’s almost like they’re waiting for permission to being able to talk about their work we had a meeting yesterday with a fifty one percent. And what I was saying is because the fifty one percent isn’t just about our work. Our work is an integral part of it, and it’s at the center of it. The art we produce, but it’s also about other people and empowering other people. a bit like when I’ve said in the past, if your message is important and you believe in your message, then it needs to be heard. You need to say it. You’re not going to not say it. If you think it’s an important opinion that people need to know about and how to support and help other people. Our collective is very, very well. I hopefully very, very, very supportive of other artists. It’s not just about us and our artwork.
00:05:59 Speaker 1: we know that women, girls, people born in female bodies are schooled to vanish and still do work, right? We are taught from a very early age. Our fulfillment comes from our relationships to others, how we help other people. It comes from having children and raising them, and it comes from running households and being there. And other people are also schooled to expect that of us to be invisible and replaceable because we’ve removed ourselves, our personalities, and who we are from the equation. And we’re just there to wipe bums, wipe kitchen counters and drive people places, right? That’s what we’re taught. So when we step up as being artists, we also have to unlearn that for ourselves to be visible. We have to learn to be visible, unlearn the invisibility, and we have to teach our audiences that it is okay, right, fair and correct for us to be stepping up on stage, whatever that stage looks like, whether it’s just on social media or at shows or on a larger public venue or whatever, we have to be teaching ourselves and our audiences about that. so a lot of the work in the fifty one percent that we’re doing on ourselves in our first year of being this collective is collectively unlearning and collectively boosting each other up. So not only are we looking at other artists outside of our collective, we are also looking at ourselves because we can’t inspire, lead, teach or, I don’t know, create a path. If we aren’t doing this work on ourselves to.
00:07:47 Speaker 2: And it’s never ending. You never get to the point when you can go right, tick. I’ve done all the work I need to do on myself. I’m good. That is never going to happen. It is something that we need to be continually aware of and also aware of our attitudes. How do you feel if you hear somebody, a woman in particular, saying, this art I’ve made is amazing. It is so beautiful. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Does that make you feel uncomfortable? Do you think good for them? And that’s really good. Does it make you have a closer look at their art? And when you have a closer look at their art, Are you looking with a critical eye because you want to prove that they’re wrong or a supportive eye when you go, okay, yeah, it is beautiful. This is where the questioning must always go, not only about ourselves, but how we respond and support other artists and other women.
00:08:58 Speaker 1: pausing before reacting, I think is really important because we’re so used to being keyboard warriors and comments and things like that, and making comments to drag people down. I know my first response when somebody says, I’m doing the greatest thing ever, or I’m the first person in the world to do this or that, my first response is, you’re fucking idiot. And then I stop and go, why am I thinking that? Why am I thinking that? Why is my first internal response? And nobody’s aware of this? Because I don’t ever say these things out loud because I understand that this is a personal issue I have relating to my own filters, my own upbringing, my own generational point of view. Cultural point of view. Right? Why do I have that reaction when it could very well be they’re the first person that did this, or this is the greatest thing or whatever. Why is my first response immediately negative? And so questioning that makes me very aware of also how I feel about talking about my art. So if you’re following my progress of building my body of work for our upcoming show, you’re not going to find me saying this is my favorite piece, or I’m doing the best work of my life. I should be saying that I say that in the fifty one percent when we meet.
00:10:08 Speaker 3: You said that yesterday.
00:10:10 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don’t say it on my posts, my public posts. I don’t say I think I’m doing the best work of my life. I know I’m doing the best work of my life. But why am I not saying that? Is it a desire to appear palatable without looking arrogant? Is it a desire to avoid any potential conflict from the people who aren’t self-aware and immediately want to kick a person down who says, I’m doing the best work of my life? Is it, learned traits? I don’t like conflict. A lot of women don’t like conflict. Conflict can be life threatening to women. And so is it something else? I need to sit with that, but I think I need to also make a post saying I’m super fucking proud of the work I’m doing. It’s the best work of my life. I hit, now you guys are going to be getting this two weeks later. So last night in July, and the night before, I think I painted some of the best pieces I’ve ever done and they just flowed and it was incredible. And I didn’t lean into that in the copy of the social media posts that I’ve been making. So this is why we’re talking about ego arrogance and also showing up in our power with confidence.
00:11:24 Speaker 2: going back to the point I was making about the message of your art, what is actually making you feel so proud and so amazed by what you’re doing is all these women are inspiring you to do the best work of your life because nobody else knows your work apart from you. So it’s going to be very rare. Even your mother or whoever, your best friend, they’re not going to know your work like you know your work. So you are only really the only person who can say, I am doing the best work of my life. nobody will say, oh, Paula, you’re doing the best work of your life, you know, because they don’t know. They haven’t seen everything. But The reason is that this work is buzzing and flowing, in my opinion, Is because of the inspiring stories that these women have told you, these women that you have made your mission to show how beautiful and wonderful you think they are, which is then having a knock on effect to them and how they perceive themselves. It is also all putting all those together and the fact it’s all going towards. When I was a teacher, it used to be like writing for a purpose. This is art for a purpose. You know that you’re doing this for a show at the end of October in Derby. This is all leading somewhere. You’re not just sitting at home making some pictures, then when you come to Derby, when we do the show, when we’re doing the marketing, we will be talking about this work. So this work suddenly has gravitas. I think all those things put together when your work has gravitas and the power behind it. That isn’t just your skill. You’re not just judging this on your skill. It is being judged by lots and lots of other reasons, the reasons why you’re painting it. That’s when you go, oh my God, I’ve got it. this is the best work of my life. going back to what we were saying about ego, that’s why it’s not about ego because it’s about all the contributory factors.
00:13:40 Speaker 1: That’s a really fine line though. let’s say that will remove my work. And my work is always based in community and everything else always has been. but we remove my work from the equation and let’s talk about artists who are maybe doing things differently. we can’t talk about your work because your work is also about uplifting women and amplifying voices. So if we pick somebody who’s doing landscapes or flowers or something that feels more neutral and they feel like they’re doing the best work of their life, is that based on their skill or their, I don’t know. Right.
00:14:21 Speaker 2: Like I think, well, we, we’ve talked about in the past that, a lot of art people judge their own art and other people’s art on skill. They feel comfortable with that. Does it look like what it should do? And that’s why they, notoriously have a problem with abstract art. It’s like, oh, it really looks like an apple. I know that beach. I’ve been there. But even though that could be the reason that you’re drawn to something, I still firmly believe that the artist, even if they’ve not identified the emotion of what they’re painting, because I think that’s so important. Anything you paint has got emotion and, communication in it. that’s why you always need to know. And I know that there are artists who struggle with this. but your work will go to the next level. when you acknowledge that and you look at your work and go, okay, this is about peace. This is about being at one sitting at the sea is flat, the cliffs, the birds are calling to each other. It is about being bonded with nature, being absolutely at one with yourself in that moment of calm. Or you look at the landscape and you go, this is about passion. This is about what is about to happen. there’s a storm brewing. Everybody knows. And the colors and the power of that, it it goes back to what I was saying. It’s not just one thing. Even though a lot of people do only judge on skill, it’s our job to educate in different ways. that’s why so many people say, oh, I can’t draw for toffee because they think I can’t draw something that looks exactly like it is in my head.
00:16:21 Speaker 1: Yeah. I agree with that because I do teach the very few people that I mentor, about finding their why in their art. What are they trying to communicate? What’s behind everything? What is the depth? So if we take somebody who does landscapes or florals or whatever, and they sit and they maybe don’t know their why necessarily. They’re not doing things based on uplifting other people. They’re just feeling really good about creating this work. Can they be confident or does that immediately go into the land of ego?
00:16:57 Speaker 2: I think you can be confident about your skill but we’re just talking about one aspect. So if people know that they are really skilled at doing detailed, photo realistic drawings and paintings, they can be proud of that. Of course they can. But it’s not the only way. if they want to go to the next level, if they’re happy with where they’re at and they think that’s all I want to do, I just want to make it look like it looks like in my head, that’s okay. But if they want to extend their work and their creative thinking then that this is the way forward. So I’m not saying you can’t be proud of just having something that looks like it is, but is that enough? if you’re happy with that, that’s fine. If your buyers are happy with that, that’s okay. What level of creativity do you want to go to with it?
00:17:59 Speaker 1: Right. dancing with being proud versus being egotistical. when I used to run a mastermind, I had all the artists doing fee has done this. I’m about to do this with my body of work for myself is you take all the work you can and lay it out, whether it’s on walls or on the floor or whatever. You lay it out and you look at it as a whole and experience your art, not just one piece at a time, but as a whole. And get a sense of your accomplishments, your skills, your abilities, and to stop and be proud. Because a lot of times, like I’m in the state right now where I am proud of my work, but I’m doing this intentionally because I it’s what I’ve taught for years. But if I hadn’t taught it, and I know this before I was teaching artists, I didn’t stop to be proud of my work. Right. So seeing your body of work as much as you can lay out, depending on your space availability as a whole is really important. Taking it out of the context of it being on your easel or being on your table, or however you work with whatever materials you work with, removing it from that context and putting it out, and then taking a photograph of you with your work and pausing to see what you’ve done and pausing to be proud, will not make you egotistical unless you are already a psychopath or sociopath or whatever. Unless you already have those those tendencies in place, you will not change and become gross and awful. If you weren’t already inclined to that in the first place. So it’s a really important exercise as artists step their way towards being proud Because fee and I have both seen artists who take photos of themselves or get photos done at shows and they’re like, and we’re talking about women specifically, but they are like, you know, here’s my show, don’t hate me. And they have their head tilted or they’re looking demure or they’re shrinking down. And what we want, especially from this particular episode of Art crush, is to maybe have our listeners think differently about how they show up with their work, that they can be proud and should be proud. you can do that without straying into the egotistical territory. You can do that without having to, make your art, be something more than it needs to be. Like your art does not need to change lives or raise funds for whatever. It does not need to do more than just be amazing communicative pieces. I don’t know if I’m being clear about this or not, but you can be proud of your skill, of your accomplishments, of your work without being an ass one hundred percent.
00:20:51 Speaker 2: What’s the point? you can be proud of the progress you’ve made. I mean, I think the other thing about doing that exercise, often people can’t see what their style is. It helps you see your style. It helps you with common themes. You start saying, oh, actually, this is a series of work. unless you’re jumping around so much that you’re doing a landscape, then you’re doing a pet portrait, then you go, but even then you might go, well, actually, what I like doing most is actually using pencils or I like using, pastels or oil color. it makes you reflect on your practice if you take it off yourself and think about your own children or your friends or family, you don’t want them to be going, oh, I’m so rubbish. I’m really rubbish. you want them to go, oh, I’m really have a look at this painting I’ve done. If your child comes to you, go have a look at this. I’ve done. I’m super proud of it. And you know that that pride can be destroyed by somebody. And we’ve probably all been there by somebody go, oh yeah, but if you’ve done this, this and that, suddenly that’s about that person and their ego, Not about you and how proud you are of your work. Nobody can take that away from you. I think that is the other thing, is the fear that people think if they say, oh, I’m super proud of my work, or I’m really think this is it, that people are going to do what we talked about earlier, that they’re going to go, oh, and start picking holes and start wanting to put you down. But that is their problem and their ego, not you, not to do with you. So you need to sort of go, okay, just rise above it.
00:22:36 Speaker 1: Yeah. People will find reasons to dislike you. You might as well make them dislike you for the reasons that serve you. So you having accomplishments, you stepping up, you having a show, you creating beautiful art. You showing up and saying what you’re thinking will always get pushback, but you not showing up will cause you more harm. You not doing what you’re supposed to be doing. You pretending to be humble. You going, oh, I didn’t know if my art was any good or not. I hope somebody picks me like all of that causes harm. Not only to you and your life’s work, whatever that is. It causes harm to the people around you who are going well. If she’s being demure and quiet and invisible, I guess I better be too. so we have this ripple effect. fee and I and Yella and Susan in the fifty one percent have all made intentional choices to show up, even when we’re uncomfortable, even when maybe there’s a little bit of fear going on, even when we recognize that we have to learn new skills to do so, we are doing so because to not show up in confidence and to not show up publicly, and to not step up and say, I made this. I’m part of this group. I’m very proud. I think causes more harm into the wider artistic community. And then to the people who maybe have desires to do art or do their thing and are afraid and looking for a sign or for a path or for inspiration.
00:24:21 Speaker 2: it’s funny how we keep coming back to the same thing. It’s about how we impact on other people. Yes. It’s about how we feel in within ourselves. But it’s also about if I mean, it’s a bit like when we’ve talked about pricing and artists that underprice their art. Now, their first thing would be, oh, yeah, no, but it’s not very good. And I’ve only just started out and but when you point out, but you’re actually harming other artists because you’re making people believe that this is the price they should pay for original art. They thirty five pounds is completely reasonable for an original canvas. They immediately go, oh, I hadn’t thought about it like that. So as soon as they see that they are actually harming other people, it makes them then reflect. And like, I don’t want to do that. I’m happy to be seen as being modest and sweet and this, that and the other. But if you say you’re actually harming other artists and you’re causing grief to people who are charging more money, that suddenly seems a lot worse. It’s so interesting how the human brain translates each other’s behaviors.
00:25:43 Speaker 1: Yeah. I have come across people who have fought against that idea, though, and and are so hyper Individualistic that they don’t understand that we are a community. It doesn’t matter what we’ve been taught, and especially in the Western world, We are encouraged and trained to focus on the individual and act like there’s no other outside influences on us, and that we don’t have influence on outsiders and outside factors. we’ve been sort of separated from belonging into the web, that we belong in the communities that we are a part of, whether online or in person or whatever. We are not islands. And if there’s one thing that I learned from Covid, straight up in your face is that we are interdependent globally, whether it’s toilet paper or rice or whatever we need, we need other people to do their things so that we can do our things and we can all exist. We are all connected. So if we go and take that idea and say we’re also all emotionally connected, we also influence each other. We have impacts on each other and a rippling effect on our communities, and then further out on society as a whole. It makes this whole argument of ego seem a bit silly because ego is selfish, ego is individualistic, ego is the opposite to what our species needs, and we need community and we need to belong, and we need to have our voices heard. And we need to do all of that with confidence. one of the things I like to do when I’m teaching is I like to take other professions and do the things with those that artists would do. So I typically use, toilet person, whatever. Let’s go surgeon, let’s go surgeon. So we have a surgeon. She’s very good at what she does, but she wants to be liked. you go to her and you say, my appendix is six times as large as it needs to be. I’ve been throwing up out of my eyeballs. Can you help me? And she stops and she goes, well, I’ve done a few appendectomies. You know, in the past they’ve been okay, and I think I can help you, but if you think my skill is good enough, then I’ll give it a go. How would you feel about hiring that surgeon? Right. You’d sooner let your appendix burst so you could throw up out of your ears and eyeballs and whatever. Then let her touch you. This is where you need confidence in your skill, a surgeon. Now, granted, surgeons can be very egotistical. We’re not going to go there. But what we can say is that a surgeon who is confident engenders confidence in their patients. An artist who is confident engenders confidence in their buyers and their followers, and the people who are looking for inspiration. It spreads much like a virus does, but it’s much, much better. As long as it is confidence that welcomes people in and invites people in and doesn’t create exclusion, which is what hyper individualism does.
00:29:00 Speaker 2: the one thing that I’d like people to take away from today’s podcast is just to question when you feel that you are being conceited or egotistical, just stop and analyze, is that what’s happening? Or are you actually serving your community in the best way that you know how? Because you’re leading the way of telling them how proud they should be as well. Everything has two sides. So think about that. Think about how you feel when you meet somebody who is confident. If you find that threatening, analyze why is it their problem or your problem?
00:29:46 Speaker 1: Exactly. And that wraps up this episode of Art crush. Let us know what you think about the intersection of confidence and ego. where do you stand when you show your work and talk about your work, or even get photos of you with your work? Are you taking up space? Are you shrinking? Are you going to do things differently now? Don’t forget to like and subscribe to Art crush. You can find us on Apple, Spotify, Amazon. And now we are also on your Alexa and Google Home devices, as well as a lot of connected car devices. So search for Art crush with free Marques and Paulo collision, and new episodes come out every Saturday. We will catch you in the next episode. Thanks for listening.
